CandyWarehouse cleared the last of its tempting confections from the shelves of its massive warehouse today in preparation for the new inventory that will be replacing it. A spokesperson for the company had this to say:
“In an effort to recall a simpler way of life, back when shriveled up vegetables and contaminated pond water were all anyone could find to eat, we’ve decided to sell only beet juice and Brussels sprouts. From a biological perspective, these are the only two foods anyone really needs. The body can survive for months on end with little else, and we believe that sheer utility represents the sole purpose of food. Taste is immaterial.”
Customers responded with mostly confusion and disbelief.